Stop writing your future!

March the 17th. It is the year 2011. It is also St. Patrick's day. I'm sitting in history class, am I paying attention...probably not as much as I should be, but after all, it so pretty outside, and she is rambling on and on about WWI and WWII.

I feel like this spring is going to bring so much more greatness then I had originally expected. The plan, (who ever really follows the plan anyway?) was to be in Europe. To be productive. To be growing academically and bursting into a creative writing frenzy and passion. Yeah, well long story short, none of that happened. Now the tables have turned, the pages of this plan have altered, and I am more excited then ever to be embracing the new “plan” which is more like a pencil sketch with plenty of holes and eraser marks.

There is a saying someone close to me tells me often.

“Stop writing your future.”

This phrase usually passes between us when I am stressing out over “the plan” of life. He simply wants to bring me back to the realization that life is best served as a covered dish, unordered and full of zesty surprises. This has done me a great deal of good to shake off the stresses of “having to” and “must do” life is now about learning to enjoy what I am doing, embrace it, and attitude is everything. Even if you have to do it, feeling happy about doing it will make the deed more enjoyable.

I feel lucky, somewhat spoiled, and majorly blessed, to have someone in my life thats patient with me and teaches me to laugh at the stupid and serious alike. It’s go with the flow time. Nap when tired. Pile the clothes up, no need to stress about them being unwashed just yet. Eat the cupcake. Take the walk outside. Beat the history paper. Buy the puppy. Wave at the random person. Excessively wear stretchy pants.

It is all such a wonderful way to view the little fleeting moments we call life. Do I still catch myself stressing, oh ya betcha! But its not about not being under pressure, it is about taking it as it comes. Running wild and throwing that pen away that I used to use to etch the ending. I had so many endings to small things, to big things, splurging in a whole lot of question marks a long the way. But now, sometimes I’ll sketch it in pencil, but it doesn’t get grained into a stone wall.

So what are the things that I feel able to conquer this Spring and Summer? Well there is school to wrap up, the doggy to house train, the house to finish getting together. There is an internship to hope for and fulfill. A possible trip to Alabama to spend time with family. Rivers to kayak. Book to write. Many things. New little people to meet. Walk around happy and proud. And maybe land a little bling bling (hoping!!) One never knows.

Things are sketchy. Not in the sense that they are unsure and bad, but its a large piece of paper with small pencil sketches of what my life could be.

There is a house. There is a dog, a family, a writing studio. The house has a beautiful red wooden door, arched at the top, doorknob in the middle. Flowers bloom around a swing in the left hand side, and inside small bare feet tap against a hard wood floor. On the back porch a spaniel lies in the sun, soaking it up, passed out from the day’s romps. There is a bookshelf in the writing studio, full of my favorite books, Sylvia Plath, present on my desk. My leather journal from Italy sits at a slight angle on the edge. John Mayer plays in the background. I am lost somewhere in the house, barefoot, and more then likely in stretchy pants. Maybe I am bent over an amateur painting I’m slopping away at; maybe I’m playing a game with kids; maybe I have my bare feet snuggled between those of my husband’s on our big oversized couch reading, talking, watching television, my head fitting perfectly between his chin and chest.

There is an ideal sketch in the making! But thats the future, this is now. I will get there I am sure, but right now, it is more placid, sometimes lonely, but always interrupted with surprise flowers, great hugs, and humor to make me laugh until I cry.

But even now nothing is for certain for tonight’s events. The only one sure thing is that I will be eating a bowl of Lucky Charms. After all, everyone needs a rainbow and pot of gold on St. Patrick’s Day. Happy Spring everyone!